In this series, we will dissect the mainstream 12 step programs and prove point by point why its totally unless and why it shouldn't be used on people that suffer from game addiction.
This is step number 9.
Made direct amends to such people wherever possible except when to do so would injure them or others.
This is a follow-up step from step 8, where the game addict is supposed to write down people it hurt and reach out to those people and make peace with them. This makes sense to a point but it's also a definition question.
What exactly did the game addict to hurt other people except that not being 100% present and available at all times?
Now we go back to other people agendas which I mentioned in step1 Probably up to 90% of the time we are doing things that are on other peoples agendas like from the example in step 1
The husband is forced to go shopping clothes with his wife, is her agenda.
The husband is forced to visit his parents in law because it might be their agenda or the wife s agenda.
The wife is helping her parents shopping because they are too old and weak, that's the parent's agenda.
The husband is taking the car for car inspection because it is the transport agency s agenda.
The husband and the wife are forced to make their tax declarations because it's the tax agency s agenda,
The husband and wife are forced drive the kids back and forth from sports events because it is the kid's agenda.
The kid is going to school because it is the agenda of the state.
The kid does his homework because it is the agenda of the teacher, the same kid does help his or her mom with the laundry, mom's agenda.
As mentioned before, in order for the game addict to have more time for gaming, he or she is forced to exclude things from other peoples agendas. Unless the game addict did something terrible the persons to have more time to play like got aggressive or violent, then yes, of course, the game addict should feel guilt and apology to them.
So the problem with this step is as follows.
This step is putting a general stamp on the game addict to feel guilty, and that everything that comes out of the game addiction did hurt others which is incorrect because to a degree, we are all free individuals and the mainstream 12 step programs fails to look at this issue from the six human needs perspective.
Let's look at this one as an example contribution and humanist If a person has this personality type and his or hers highest drift to contribute to society.
This person feels best by helping others. If this person spends 15 hours per day collecting money for a charity online and offline. That by definition means this person has less time to spend on other people agendas. Does this person have anything to apologize for? Well unless this person got violent to his or her closest friends and family, it has nothing to apology for.
How about the example with the human need "significance" the need of feeling special, important or unique
A painter that spends 20 hours per day painting. This person excludes other people agendas to have more time to satisfy his or her most important human needs, the significance
But what has this to do with game addiction?
The game addict isn't addicted to the game. The game addict is addicted to one or several of the six human needs just like the charity worker the highest drift is to help other people and like the painter who's the highest drift is significance and you don't ask those people to go apology to everyone when they follow their heart.
The 9th step of the mainstream 12 step programs is somehow right but for the wrong reasons. We should apology and make peace with people we hurt, no doubt about that. But to point out that game addiction did nothing else that hurt people and the game addict should feel guilt and shame is wrong.
The right step should be:
I should only reach out, and apology to people I've hurt because of my game addiction
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